Herbie wouldn't even recognise you

I really don't know why Lindsay Lohan was so bad on SNL, I thought over the past 6 years of doing lines, she would've had it mastered?

All shit-ripping aside, at least she didn't come off like a drug addict trying to pull the wool over our eyes and although her performance may not have been Oscar-worthy, her efforts on the show could be the baby steps she needs to repair her long-tarnished brand. 

There's always room for redepmtion.

I'd hoped to be able to post a video of her performance on the show to accompany this, but all of the embed-able videos are location stricken to the US. Apols.

I'MA LET YOU FINISH

After Kanye West’s debut fashion collection was pretty much universally ripped the shit out of last season, I sort of got the feeling we’d never see it again. But here, I stand corrected as a piece from the collection has been shot for an editorial in Harpers Bazaar Australia. On probably the last person I ever would have expected to see it on, Taylor Swift. The surprise stems from his stage invasion at the 2009 VMA's proclaiming Beyonce's superiority of the award for Best Female Video that Swift had won. The release of this Kanye credited issue is well-timed, as he is sending his fall 2012 collection down the runway today. Peace offering to King Kanye or not, I can't stand her. I bet if she wasn't a famous singer, she'd be crazy fucking annoying on Facebook.

LUXE

Tiny bit obsessed with every single female member of the Olsen clan, right now. The Olsen twins are owning the April issue of Elle UK magazine, those of you rushing to the newsagents will apparently be faced with a tough choice of choosing between an innocent looking Mary-Kate captivating the cover alone in a stunning Prada jacket, or a cover that will feature both of the twins most probably looking equally as amazing together. I can’t rest until I see what the editorial has in store.

Mango SS12 Campaign

Terry Richardson has shot a very casual looking Kate Moss for the Mango SS12 Campaign. For me, the model being revealed as the new face of the high street brand was the perfect choice, the campaign looks cool and summery with pastel pieces, denims and stripes. The effortless shots are definitely certain to put Mango on everybody's hit list for SS12 shopping.

CONCRETE JUNGLE

Jean Paul Gaultier's concrete jungle at Paris Fashion Week A/W 2012

An eye pleasing mix of sophisticated suits, graffiti prints and rock 'n' roll pieces, Gaultier has made a broad use of black but not so much that it's affected the vibe and feel of the collection. He's worked perfectly well in using metallic graffiti patterns, and tough biker jackets which were in stark contrast to the clean cut suits which featured loosely worn grey trousers, tailored jackets and crisp white shirts on offer. The evening wear was also gorgeous. Very nice.

Day At The Office...

^ Superlol

WANT/NEED/HOOK ME UP

I need to get layered up in this striped Gucci sweater for some nautical style on those cool summer evenings that we're approaching. The heavyweight cotton knit soft cream and navy tones would give for an effortless answer to downtime dressing. I think balancing these tones with light brown chinos and sturdy brown suede brogues would look great.

You can purchase it for yourself at Mr Porter for £455.

J.LO IN A JOCK STRAP

Actress/Singer/All-Round power bitch Jennifer Lopez has recently been shot by the renown Mario Testino for the cover of V Magazine's Sports Issue. This fly bitch can go 12 rounds with me any time.

Lopez gives an in-depth, open interview to accompany the risqué boxing themed shoot to my favourite publication V Mag and even touches on the marriage break-up that shocked many, expressing how she and ex-husband, Marc Anthony, are friends but parents first. She says it's the "thread" that holds them together.

All for that scouse-brow she's sporting too.

Ruining me, Cunt

She can't put a foot wrong. There's a lot of buzz surrounding her at the moment, but take an adorable girl, add serious talent and completely filthy lyrics and you’re bound to cause a sensation. Beautiful Brooklyn beauty Azealia Banks has been photographed by the talented Terry Richardson for T Magazine. Sporting a Rochas bodysuit, Dolce & Gabbana shoes and Solange Azagury-Partridge earrings. With Nicola Formichetti on her side, Banks is definitely one to watch–in terms of fashion and not just smutty, great music.

NO WORDS

No words. Photographed by the talented Mert Alas and Marcus Piggot for the 2012 issue of Vogue Turkey. Favourite cover of the year so far without doubt. 

Naomi Campbell Channeling Tina Turner

Naomi only just closed Cavalli in Milan, and now she’s gone and outdone herself in an editorial in V's sports-themed issue. The supermodel channels Tina Turner in a story called “Private Dancer”, I'm not *entirely* sure what the link is with Tina Turner and sports but any excuse will do to dress Naomi Campbell up in short fringed dress and make her dance. Tina really isn't letting up that crown for best legs for nobody, not even Naomi.

Sun, Sex and I'm left Suicidal

… But I can't help but watch. An hour of gormless, chavvy teenagers vomiting into a goldfish bowl full of VK and WKD, thanks BBC Three. 

Picking up the voice-over duties for this pile of shit is Russell Tovey, who I have to add, I usually quite like. Russell warns us that “Everyone’s up for it, and anything goes. Cheap booze, dirty dancing and that all important independence.” No mention of who’s paying for these holidays, but I think with shows like this, it’s best not to question the details too intensely. If you’ve never seen Sun, Sex and Suspicious Parents, I’m fiercely jealous of you. 

Anyway, let me briefly outline the concept for you, two mouthy teenagers, often a girl modeling herself on Cheryl Cole with the effect usually being a little more Cher Lloyd, and a  boy with gelled, spiky hair that looks to have got a little handy with their Mum's blusher brush. So, they hit an 18-30's holiday with their friends for a week, *unaware* that their parents are just a matter of metres away, participating in some of the least convincing undercover surveillance I’ve ever seen. Ever. 

By the time the excitable teens arrive at their sunny destination, they’re enthusing about the most banal of details: “We’ve got a balcony. Yay!” “Oh my God, actually feel how actually hot it is.” Last week's episode saw larger-than-life in both personality and weight, Sophie hitting the pool in her first couple of hours of her arrival to check out the cock sizes of the Italian guests, only later to be spread out on the pavement with her arse on her show, and that same arse eating her knickers. Newcastle tart Alex was in a  quaint little bar up the road, which was nestled between a kebab shop and a KFC, shaking a cocktail in a waiter’s pants and fighting with her signature gay hairdresser friend. 

There's a lot of similar shit that happens in-between, but then finally, it’s time for the parents to reveal themselves, which is ironic since their children have often been doing that all week. But unfortunately, this much anticipated 15 minutes of the show is as shit as the rest, with the parents standing before their children with a bare-faced look of 'I'm going to beat you to a pulp when you get home' telling them: “You’ve been great, we’ve really enjoyed watching you.” Well, at least someone did. 

In all seriousness though, if you're 18 and BBC Three ask to film you on your first holiday abroad with friends. Don't. Just don't.

ATTENTION: BEYONCE MUSICAL MOVIE ALERT

This news just might make my head explode. Ryan Murphy, that one off Glee, is writing and directing a movie musical for best friends Beyoncé and Gwyneth Paltrow and just to make this whole thing a tiny bit more amazing, Reese Witherspoon, Cameron Diaz, and Andy Samberg are all attached to the project. It gets better, the movie will be called One Hit Wonders and will feature Witherspoon, Diaz, and Paltrow as singers who had hit songs in the 90's and fizzled out. I'm praying for some 90's outfit flashbacks. It’s still unclear what role Beyonce will be playing but I'm sure this news alone will carry me through until thats confirmed. Just think of that red carpet. 

Painfully excited for this.

Karl Lagerfeld’s Fall 2012 Campaign For Hogan

Karl Lagerfeld has debuted his fall/winter 2012 collection for Hogan yesterday in Paris. Oddly the campaign, for clothes that won’t be available until at least August, landed in our laps. Of course, I'm not complaining. I'm actually really vibing his choice to use Saskia de Brauw’s and her intersexual look here and apparently Lagerfeld really vibes Saskia, too. In the past few months, he’s shot her for his Spring 2012 Chanel campaign, the March 2012 cover of Numero and now this.

A bit off topic, I'm a little more curious about his relationship with Katy Perry, who showed up to his dinner in Paris a few nights ago to celebrate the latest Hogan collection. Perhaps she’ll have a place somewhere in one of Mr, Lagerfeld’s brands? I really do hope not. 

Burberry Smokin' at LFW

Burberry Prorsum’s runway look is known for being clean and simple and the faces at their recent LFW show mostly reflected that, sticking to the classic Burberry freshness with a sweep of misty and earthy blushes, the look was rich, defined eyes with natural pink lips. Effortlessly flawless skin with gently contoured cheeks.

Not only did the concept work beautifully with the mix of textures and fabrics seen in the collection, it really came into play on the models’ faces, too. 

And The Rumour Mill Goes On…

Has Haider Ackermann snagged the Dior Job?

Vogue UK reported that on Wednesday, a bouquet of flowers arrived at the Dior towers in Paris, and they were addressed to a certain Mr Haider Ackermann. Hm.. Of course, it could be some kind of easy (not-easy-at-all-to-make) mistake or perhaps an address mix-up, although as Vogue pointed out, Ackermann’s offices in Paris are over three miles from Dior HQ, but it could also mean that someone has sent a little premature congrats to Ackermann on scoring the gig that the whole fashion elite and their mothers are talking about.

I've come to terms with the fact that we won’t know for sure who the new Dior designer is until the words come straight from Toledano’s lips but that won't stop me dishing in the delight of this little news nugget. 

BAFFLED

Will somebody tell me what to make of this and I'll just think it, that's how confused I am - these beautifully woven platform peep-toe babies are actually made by Ugg(!!!). Imagining this pair teamed with a a cream pair of cropped trousers and smart jacket on a leggy, beautiful woman makes me concernedly excited and happy. 

Available to buy from Ugg Australia at an, I'd say pretty reasonable, £499.

SCHOOLIN' SS12

House of Deréon SS12 Ad Campaign

In addition to just having popped out her beautiful new baby girl, Blue Ivy, and amid reportings that she's already started proceedings on two new musical projects, the peerless diva also managed to find time to work on the campaign for the House of Dereon Spring/Summer 2012 Collection. The video lookbook, which features Beyonce stunning voice taken from "Schoolin' Life", which just happens to be my favourite track from her latest album 4, has a gentle tribal feel to it... The beautiful models take to the streets to show new Mummy B's detailed designs of floral-print shorts, beaded statement necklaces, candy-colored denim and body flauntig minidressers all which feature lots of studs, zips and cut outs. 

DIY Yourself A Perfect Blowdry, Ladies

Any ladies looking to put a little more "oomf" into their weekend beauty routine should watch this tutorial video by my favourite people at Percy and Reed below. Adam, co-owner of Percy and Reed, London's hair retreat for the famous shares his tips with you on a DIY achievable colossal-volume hair 'do. There's teasing involved but the crucial grantor for securing this voluptuous hair style is some serious Percy and Reed hair product that you can buy online here. 

Easy Grandad

Oh, God.

Terry Richardson sexually harasses young women. Lindsay Lohan makes some very bad decisions. Match made in heaven (hell.)

This 'romance' really isn't surprising to anyone, but I thought you should all be aware this makes me sad. Like, sad in a real way. I miss young, sprightly, non-slurring Mean Girls Lindsay Lohan. How did her life turn out so that instead of dating really cool people, she started dating an old man with a camera? It wasn’t supposed to go this way. Why does the world have to be the way it is? I’m going to go cry for a bit now.